If you could just give me a few moments to myself...

"Truly...all I need is about 4 or 5 minutes and I'll be right with you...Ok, yes honey, what is it?...Uh-huh...now...just a few...what?...that's wonderful...all right, now let me...I know. You did a beautiful job on it, too, but if I could just...no, not right now...in just a little bit...Shhhhhh...give mama a minute to...never mind."

I do wish my daughter understood the concept of time. A few minutes feels like a few hours to her, so she turns them into a few seconds. In other words, I tell her, "I will be with you in a minute...", and three seconds later she's after me about something else.

It's the same thing in the car..."Are we there yet?" "No, honey, we just left the driveway." "Are we near the beach?!" "No, we're still in Asheville. Try watching this movie. When it's over we may be halfway there." "So are we close now?" "No, honey, those were just the opening credits. Just watch the movie."

But then there are times when time seems so short to her. "DeAnn, we have to leave the park now because it's getting dark." "Awwww, we just got here!" "That was two hours ago. It's now time to go home." "Just a few more minutes?" "You can play 5 more minutes."..."Okay, DeAnn, 5 minutes are up. Let's go." "But you didn't give me any time at all!"

Often Mama and Papa ask for a few moments of silence, but the word 'moment' has no meaning to her either. That's why we have the "Let's see who can be quiet the longest!" game...except she always loses. And she doesn't seem to mind.

I've set timers, but she has no respect for them. She runs by her time and her time alone.

"DeAnn, please hurry. We're late for school!"..."Put your sock on your foot...now put your foot in the shoe...stand up...put your coat on...first the right arm...then the left...get your bookbag..."...Argh! I want to send her to boot camp for a week. "MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!"

I know one day I will have difficulty understanding time. I'll wonder why 10 years flew by as if they were only moments. "Gawsh, Mama. That was YEARS ago."

It seemed like only yesterday.

I Believe...

A lot of people try to keep up with the Joneses. I am trying to keep up with my daughter, DeAnn. I find that I am often Mama-challenged because I never saw "it" coming.

Below I've taken the Parent's Oath of Offense

I BELIEVE:

• my child has the right to express herself (but less than 20 times on the same subject in a whiny voice).


• my child has the right to make choices (as long as it doesn't cost Mama and Papa money and is not a threat to anyone's health: both mental and physical).


• my daughter has the right to decide what to wear each day as a form of self-expression (as long as she's not trying to express that she's a member of the Pussycats or an exotic dancer).


• my daughter can accomplish anything she sets her mind to (as long as it's not to drive her Mama and Papa insane or to make us grandparents when she is 13).


• my daughter has the right to be loved unconditionally (as long as...oops...this would not qualify as unconditionally) by her parents who know that though she is "Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,But still miraculously my own...

Never forget for a single minute,You didn’t grow under my heart - but in it"

– Author:Fleur Conkling Heylinger

Mommy Dearest

In the meantime, my daughter is now rambling on and on, though she has been put to bed 45 minutes ago about 7 times. I say as softly and politely as I can, "Honey, please get in the bed."..."Sweetie, go to bed."..."Get in the bed, please."..."GET IN THE BED, PLEASE!"..."GO!"..."GO! NOW!"..."NOW, HONEY!"
"GET IN THE BED, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"...

Lord, give me strength...she wears me out and I come close to wearing her out! I may have to call Super Nanny.

She's up again. She's got something stuck on her finger. I have to get the scissors to cut it off...No, not the finger. I fear Mommy Dearest is becoming a reality.

Whose your Mama?!

'Because I said so' no longer has the power that it had back in my parents day. My eight and a half year old assumes she has the same allotted authority as her mama and papa. Why should she be treated any differently? The fact that we work to earn the money and pay the bills that clothe, feed, and provide shelter for her has little significance. She has "Kid Power".

I went through a stage where I would try to reason with her when she was about four or five years old. Using logic on a child that age is like trying to train a cat. It just doesn't work. So, I began to use the phrases that long ago were used on my siblings and me. "Because I said so." "Because I'm the parent." "Because that's just the way it is." I knew these sayings were powerful and that they were the final word.

When used on my daughter they are as weighty as a feather. Her expression always conveys, "And I should care because...?"

I have yet to convince her that this parent/child relationship is not based on democratic values. It is a monarchy. When she has matured and taken on more responsibilities in life, then we'll consider making it a democracy. Right now, her father and I know what is best for her (so we hope and pray).

I cannot for the life of me figure out why she does not accept this at face value as I did at her age. I am consistent with my parenting skills, I follow through, I use a firm voice, I give consequences to fit the situation. But somewhere along the way the roles have become blurred to her. Seriously, it never occurred to me that she would doubt our word.

"What?! You don't believe me?! Just ask your Babushka and Grandpapa. They'll tell you it's just the way it is!"

I know parents who have stooped to using bribery, or tried negotiating, or have just given in! Nay, I say! I will continue to fight the neverending battle, even if it means more gray hair, an extra glass of wine at the end of the day, spending more time sending someone to her bedroom to think about things (I'm speaking about myself here).

And as I say to her, "Do you understand, Missy?" and she responds, "Whatever." I know that somehow, some way, progress is being made...somewhere else.